You Have Got On My Mind

 

        I came up creating this blog because of all my random thoughts. We are in the middle of this pandemic. We're submitted to isolation and quarantine period. We're really clouded with huge emotions and ideas we tend to bottle them up and the next thing we knew, we're already full of it. Some might burst out crying, laughing in nothingness, or just stare at a blank wall next to our faces. It was like, we became the lesser person that we are brought by these thoughts in our mind and we fail to empty them out. Some of us have different ways to lessen our burdens and because of this pandemic, we were not given the chance to travel, go to the beach, hiking up, or you know camping. Those activities really give us the sort of encouragement that we needed and realizing now, we're prohibited from doing it. In case you still don't know, I'm with you. That is the very reason I ended up writing what's on my mind. 

        And if you reach reading this far, thank you for the patience. And congratulations, you have got on my mind. 

        I am very much dedicated to writing anything. I do not even take into consideration the usage of a good grammar. For me, it feels realistic enough that you expressed yourself in the language that you are comfortable of. So here I am, writing freely and without limitation. 

    I have come up to the point of feeling unworthy and lacking the sort of motivation to get out of my comfort zone. Being alive during this troubled time is productive enough but not doing anything extra feels a little bit odd. Doing all sorts of activities in online class doesn't make me productive at all. Even writing this, it feels simple. It doesn't give me the excitement everytime I would end up writing lots of ideas on my head. It's scary to say but today, I'm almost dragging my passion at the very bottom. Every time I have an idea on what to write, I won't write it because no one would appreciate. Nobody would understand. It feels empty and alone. I wish someone would save me. 

    The truth is, maybe I'm just unresponsive. Maybe, every opportunity that is freely given to me is just right around the corner, waiting for me to grab the rope and take the risk. But I'm not taking any risks. I'm scared that if ever I did take it, I'm still empty. I would still think I'm not good for it. No, scratch that. I'm not good at anything at all. Do you even feel the strangeness of my mind? How it's sad and empty? Like, you can't see any kind of strength? I'm even laughing writing this, at this very moment. But really, I wish, at least, someone would tell me they're proud of me? For doing so little? Because, to be honest, that's what I really long to hear. I can't really say I'm a potential strong and independent woman icon because I'm not. I'm still lost. I'm still vague and not deeply understood. 

    But I really wish this pandemic would end. There's a lot of dead souls, you see.